Coping with a Diagnoses
By Freddy Bosco

Coping with a Diagnosis   By Freddy Bosco Because we who find ourselves thinking and behaving in ways that alarm other people are not always prone to the same patience, tolerance and politeness that we expect from others, we must make that extra effort to consider the impact of our condition on those around us.

If I feel terrible, my head throbbing with resentment, for instance, or suddenly find that my perception is everything around me going flat into two dimensions due to an attack of anxiety, it is not easy to remember to be considerate of those around me. Remembering that simple courtesy though, is one of the simplest and most effective keys to happiness. Even with a diagnosis.

There are consumers of mental health who have been at it for years, decades. Some of them have mastered the requirement for the good manners, which make for a comfortable niche in society. There are others – we all know them – who overdo it and come across so phony we only want to run when they come around. There are also those whose make it their business to be as absolutely bad as they can, out of a crude attempt at macho. What could be sillier, or less in line with the positive attitudes necessary for recovering from our baffling illness?

Picture a typical party on a holiday. Staff stands there woodenly, trying to exude festive attitudes while the scene unfolds. One consumer tries to tell a joke but forgets the punch line. Several others are monopolizing the food table, devouring chip after dipped chip as if they hadn’t eaten all week.

A small cluster of people wearing attitudes gather off the side to make observations and dispense heavy doses of ridicule on the scene. A couple of people, though, are actually conversing. They give and take and take elaborate pains to consider the comfort and opinions of the person they are talking to. Now that’s what I’m talking about.

Nobody in the throes of commitment is expected to charm the socks off everyone around. But at other, more normal times, a wee bit of manners can go a long way towards making a person with a diagnosis more welcome to others and certainly happier with themselves as a result.

The newspaper columnists who give advice on etiquette may not be prepared to handle the kind of situations we as crazy people get ourselves into – brilliant problems – but we can do a lot worse than to take others into account. Narcissism is a disorder that exalts us, putting us at the center of the universe, but one moment’s reality check will reveal that each of us leads just a tiny little life. Life is a gift and must be monitored and cared for. One of the qualities that will always serve us well is the ability not to take many things personally and to show a sincere interest in the wellbeing of the people we meet.

Whether we call them people skills or social graces, they call for a sense of humor and for compassion. Such attributes win every time, eventually taking in the most bitter and angry adversary.